Some of you read the title of this post and thought, "What? But US News and World Report ranks Oberlin as the # 22 liberal arts school and Harvard as the # 1 national university! How can this be?"
Folks, the truth is that US News and World Report is not the Bible. These rankings were not sent down by a higher being. Rather, they were written by mere mortals. Many naïve souls read the college rankings as though they are somehow correct. I will admit that I once was a follower of these rankings, but I have been saved. I am about to open your eyes as to the top 5 reasons that Oberlin is actually (way) better than Harvard.
1) I can wear whatever I want to class.
--Sure, you could technically wear whatever you want to class at Harvard, but you may be stoned (or just be the recipient of some judging glances). When I get up in the morning, I wear whatever the heck I want because I know nobody cares. 75% of the time, there are two factors that determine what I wear: 1) the weather, and 2) what color hooded sweatshirt I feel like wearing that day. I will confess that (on extremely rare and secretive occasions) I will even go to class in what I wore to bed.
I've seen people wearing cat ears, no shoes, and bathrobes to class. Some of you may be thinking, "Oh no, am I not going to fit in because I like wearing 'mainstream' clothing?" My answer to you is a no, of course not. 25% of the time, when I feel like making an effort, I wear 'regular' clothes. Many, many, many Obies wear 'regular' clothes far more often than me. What I am attempting to illustrate is the level of diversity in 'fashion' on our campus.
My younger brother, a freshman at Harvard, frequently gets called "Carlton" [as in Carlton on 'Fresh Prince of Bel-Air'] by his older sister/me, because of his new daily wardrobe that he and his fellow Harvard-ites frequently wear. I rest my case.
2) We have a mascot.
--A color is not a mascot. Crimson? Is that tangible? Does it have the ability to go into battle? I tell you what, if you sent a Crimson into battle with a Yeoman/woman, I'd choose the Yeoman/woman in an instant. I am not biased--colors simply cannot fight. When have you ever heard of pink fighting magenta? Or orange duking it out with turquoise in a back alley? Never.
Farmers, on the other hand, are fully equipped to plow down the competition. Plus, we can shorten our nickname and yell "Go Yeo" (pronounced 'yo') at sports games. What do they say at Harvard? Go Crim? Lame.
3) Ohio has a lot of corn.
--I will admit, I have not actually researched the statistics on the amount of corn production in Massachusetts in comparison to Ohio, but I'm going to go with my gut and say that Ohio has more corn. Why is this important? Because everyone loves corn (seriously, I've never met anyone who doesn't like corn), and it is so versatile. There's popcorn, corn on the cob, canned corn, corn tortillas, cornbread, creamed corn, and cornflakes--just to name a few. What does Massachusetts have--tea parties? A state name that takes too much thought to spell? I'd choose corn and a four-letter state any day.
4) We're better at sneak attacks.
--If someone says, "I go to Harvard," they are immediately expected to save the world or cure diseases one day. If someone says, "I go to Oberlin," people may respond, "What's that?" or "I thought you quit the oboe awhile ago!" or, my favorite response, "Is that a community college?" While it is kind of annoying sometimes that some people do not understand what Oberlin actually is, and that you don't necessarily have to be musically inclined or a hippie to go here, it is also kind of cool in a way. We can make a sneak attack in life later on. We graduate from here and take over the world. We're teaching for America, earning more PhDs than anybody else, inventing the coolest ice cream flavors (thanks Jerry [and Ben]) and being hilarious on "The Office." Who doesn't love the hilarity of Ed Helms?
Oh, AND we go on to do the same disease curing and world saving as Harvard grads. Boo-yah.
5) Drag Ball
--C'mon. Drag Ball is just awesome. And Harvard doesn't have it (as far as I know).
I could go on all day, but I don't want to get sued by Harvard. They can't sue me, though, because I speak/am the truth. Crimson, YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH.
