Sometimes, life hits a little harder than usual.
Unfortunately, that’s been the case for me this past month of February. I won’t go in too deep into why, but long story short is that I’ve been having emotional and physical side effects with changes in medication, I missed half a week of work due to having a bad cold, and my stress has been transferring to other areas of my life and making me more worried overall.
While life is largely going well, all of this has made me feel shaky, and certainly a lot more prone to tears this past month.
I’ve never been really shy about crying. As a New Yorker with a 45-minute subway commute, I’ve cried more times in public than I may like to admit. There’s no shame in it. But crying in college is slightly different than in New York City. Especially in my freshman year, I felt like I wasn’t close enough to anyone yet to be that vulnerable in public.
But since then, Oberlin’s kind, close-knit community has become more familiar to me. So, although I still sometimes feel guilty for having to lean on my support system as much as I have been lately, I want to take this moment to appreciate just how lucky I am to have such a community around me. I think Oberlin is truly unique in its emotional awareness and social support. To everyone who’s been so wonderful lately--thank you!
The most common support group here are the closest friends.
For me, these are the friends that I don’t have to worry about being too honest with, who are open to sitting on a dorm floor for hours, talking through everything and giving the best hugs. And I would do anything for them, too. It’s an honor to help out a friend. Any true close friend will never make you feel bad for opening up to or leaning on them. It’s what we’re here for: the good times and the bad. My favorite adage about this is that friends are people who agree to be witnesses to each other's lives. It’s about making someone feel seen, supporting them, taking their side (within reason). I am so grateful to have the best friends (and roommate!) a girl could ask for here. Although they’re all so busy, I know I can rely on them to make time for me, to give me a hug in Azzie’s, visit me when I’m sick, or drive me to the doctor’s. This is true riches.
Then, surprisingly, there’s less-close friends: somewhere between acquaintances and established friends, these are people you grab lunch with every now and then to catch up.
This weekend, I had the most wonderful experience with one of these friends. She was someone I really admired, and wanted to have fun with, but on that day I was just feeling quite down and crying sporadically. When she saw me collapse a little when my close friend approached, and saw that I was feeling bad, she didn’t shy away. Instead, she offered sympathy and great advice. She made me take a walk outdoors (magic) and to stop homework for a second (genius) and do a crossword puzzle (glorious). It made me so aware of how welcoming everyone here is. I can’t think of another space where people are so ready and willing to support one another and validate each other’s experiences like this.
I also have my partner as a major support.
God knows he’s seen me cry one time too many, but like my friends, he’s steadfast and willing to help beyond belief. Significant others come in many shapes and sizes, but a connection that can withstand stress, is clear and honest, and loving, feels like a safe place you can go to in times of tumult. I’m so grateful to have found someone who serves this role for me, and I feel grounded in the knowledge that I would do the same in return. My relationship has been a very important star in the constellation of connections I have here, and while I look forward to a time when there will be less stress affecting us, it’s so special to have something that can stand it for the time being.
Finally, I went to the Oberlin Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPs) walk-in hours for the first time this week. It’s not just the informal communities that help keep Obies afloat here--the wealth of institutional resources at our disposal is really helpful, too. My experience with a counselor was so wonderful and enlightening, and I look forward to coming back!
Thank you all for bearing with this teary person!
It’s been such an honor to be able to lean on you.
Love,
Daniela
