Leaving home to go to college can be tough. You're excited for college, to see your friends again, or to meet new ones. You won’t have to live with your parents anymore, which means your room is truly private, and you can put things wherever you want. You can dress however you want, eat whatever you want, and nobody will criticize you (except maybe your annoying best friend).
But with that comes the nights where people are loud outside your door. Or when the dining hall food doesn’t hit like your dad’s cooking at home. The reality is, you’re not at home—your parents and old friends aren’t physically with you anymore. Homesickness can be hard to deal with, and even as a third-year student, I still feel homesick whenever I leave. Stack on eldest daughter syndrome guilt on top of that, and leaving home can feel nightmarish. But I have ways that help Oberlin feel more like home and make me feel less anxious about leaving.
The first part is important: finding things that feel like home. Sometimes, when you think you’re missing home, what you’re actually missing is an element of home. For example, I missed the nature in Wisconsin, and I had a hard time finding that in Oberlin at first. But as I walked around Oberlin, I eventually found the Arboretum, a place that felt like Wisconsin to me, and in turn, it made Oberlin feel a lot more like home. Finding these places can help you feel more grounded and like you have your own space. Another thing I missed was a Jewish community. I started going to Hillel, but it wasn’t the right fit for me. Eventually, I found my way to Chabad, which feels like a big family dinner, and I enjoy it. Other things that feel like home to me are having my own space and putting plants in it. I brought some of my plants from home, and planting is something my mom and I do together, so it’s like I’m connecting with my mom when she’s not here.
Second, if you miss home, why not bring home to you? Another thing I love doing is calling my family once a week. This sounds like a lot, but every week my entire family schedules one time when we’re all available, and we call that week. It’s important to me because I can spend time with my family, talk about our days, and listen to my brother talk about himself for 30 minutes of the 40-minute Zoom call. We always end the call with a “rose, bud, thorn” before time runs out. It’s a fun and cathartic way to end my week and provides a lot of closure. It’s like telling your best friends why you had such a good week. I do the same thing with my other friends, scheduling a call once a month or every few weeks to debrief on our lives. Sometimes, my friends and I send each other audio recordings that we listen to like a podcast. Organizing these little calls or rituals helps reinforce that other people are also having fun and living life, which allows you to live yours.
Another important thing when you get to college, which may seem less intuitive, is finding an in-person support network. Finding this support can initially be difficult, but I quickly found mine by joining communities. For example, I’m a vegetarian, so I joined a co-op. I love to cook and don’t mind doing dishes too much, so it was perfect to eat other people’s homemade food and be surrounded by fellow vegetarians. That connection can help you become friends. Another community for me is the circus. I joined the circus as a freshman, having never done it before, but I loved it right away. Being involved in activities with people who welcome you with open arms can be instrumental in making college feel like home.
Lastly, and I’d really recommend this to anyone who can, I bought my mom and dad postcards for Hanukkah. These postcards had cool themes that bonded us. For example, I found superhero postcards for my dad and botanical garden postcards for my mom. I split the sets in half so I’d keep half, and they’d have the other half. Whenever I was in class and didn’t need to pay full attention, I wrote a postcard. I sent about three postcards a week, and after a while, I’d accumulated quite a few. It’s fun to receive a postcard because it’s like receiving a package—you don’t really know what to expect. After I had a good number of postcards, I hung up my collection on my wall—one side with superheroes and the other with flowers. That way, whenever I feel sad, I can choose a random postcard, take it down, and read what my parent had written to me.
Leaving home is never easy, but it’s important to take care of yourself and find ways to bring a little bit of home to you. Visiting home or calling your family can help. Your family and friends from home are always with you, cheering you on from the sidelines. That’s why it’s important to live your life to the fullest, and if you’re missing home, call home to hear their voices. Reassure yourself that it’s okay to live at college and explore, knowing you’ll see them again. My advice? During those family Zoom calls, have something else to do while your older brother brags about his amazing life.
