Matthew Ari Kaplan is a senior politics major from Baltimore, Md. He is a founder of the Oberlin College Democrats and spent last semester working for the Brad Carson Senate campaign in Oklahoma. His birthday, Feb. 15, was recently proclaimed Matthew Kaplan Day.

Matthew Aaron Kaplan is a sophomore from Claremont, Calif. He is a student senator, Senior RA, varsity basketball player and sometime contributor to the Review.

The Review recently sat down for fourth meal with both Matt Kaplans for no apparent reason.

So when I transcribe this interview, how should I differentiate you guys?
Both at once: I’m number one!

Matthew Ari Kaplan: C’mon. I’m number one. You’ve referred to me as number one on numerous occasions.

Matthew Aaron Kaplan: Fine.

What is this strange power in the name Matthew Kaplan that creates such strong leadership qualities?
Kaplan #2: Well, you know Matthew means “gift of God.”

Kaplan #1: Yes. It emanates from something deep within your soul...

What’s the deal with the Toyota Previas?
Kaplan #1: I have a 1995 Previa van. It’s the “Supervan” actually. It’s got flame effects, spinners and it tops out at 190. Recently I was dismayed to find out that this Matt Kaplan also drives a Previa.

Kaplan #2: Mine is a 1991. So it was actually made before your “Supervan”.

Kaplan #1, as the holder of the Matthew.Kaplan@oberlin.edu e-mail address I know you’ve had a problem with getting this Matt Kaplan’s e-mail. Could you talk a little about this?
Kaplan #1: I wouldn’t describe it as a problem. It’s more of an epidemic. I get at least three or four of his e-mails every day. I feel like I’m intruding on his life. I’ve had to outsource my e-mails to another address. The first day back last year I got an e-mail from the National Jewish Association looking to do a feature on Jewish basketball players.

Kaplan #2: What about that call I got from Jane magazine about political activism on campus?

Kaplan #1: You never forwarded that to me!

Matt #1, do you feel as if your identity has been stolen?
Kaplan #1: It’s malicious, really. He used my identity to get elected student senator. All of my friends voted for him. This interview is actually a good forum to demand redress. I am hereby demanding half of his Student Senate salary as payment for the emotional distress I’ve had to endure, especially considering that he’s driving a Previa.

Kaplan #2: This is strictly a PR front. I was advised by my political consultant [OC Dems Co-Chair] Renata Strause that I should use the Matthew Kaplan name as a way of reaching out to the Oberlin community. Between the two of us, look at all the communities we represent.

Kaplan #1: He’s misleading the voters! Their Constitutional rights have been violated!

Kaplan #2: Well, I personally was offended that he referred to me as a “freshman basketball player” in a letter to the Review as if the only thing I do at this school is make three-pointers.

Kaplan #1: He’s dodging the question. I want a commitment that I’ll get half of his salary.

I think that for the good of the Oberlin community and humanity in general, the Matt Kaplans need to find a way to put aside their differences and work together.

Kaplan #2: I’m willing to move forward. If elected, I will commit to giving half of my senate salary to the OC Dems if I get your endorsement for student senate.

Kaplan #1: I’ll endorse you as long as you’ll agree to call me Matthew Kaplan #1 at all times.

Kaplan #2: Then you have to refer to me as a student senator rather than just a basketball player.

Kaplan #1: Deal.

So Kaplan #2, when this Kaplan graduates, who gets the mkaplan e-mail address? You or [Review contributor and sophomore] Maxine Kaplan?
Kaplan #2: It’s not even a question.

Kaplan #1: We’ll see what kind of courtesy he gives me for the next couple of months.